New Website/Blog!

THIS BLOG HAS MOVED TO:

http://offthebackboard.wordpress.com

Thanks for reading everyone! I've decided to gravitate my writing more towards basketball and working on my writing portfolio.

As such, you'll find my writing at www.southasianparent.com as well as www.easygirlfriend.net 

My portfolio can be found at http://offthebackboard.wordpress.com/articles/

Feel free to email me at: gpokhare@gmail.com

Cheers!

Back to the Future...

So, its come to my attention that my graduation from the University of Waterloo is actually coming much sooner than I thought it would. I was initially doing a double major and a minor, which, due to my previous co-op obligations, would end up taking me until at least Fall 2012 to finish. That meant that as someone who started my undergrad in Sept. of 2007, I'd end up finishing my degree 5 years and 4 months after that date, which was a bit too much for me. So, I found a way to shorten my undergrad career by doing two minors and a major instead, which satisfies all my interests and still looks good enough to market in "the real world".

I've been doing a lot of research on post-grad job opportunities because I hate getting into situations without having a complete and comprehensive understanding of it, whether its starting a workout program or purchasing a book. I feel like the best way to learn about jobs and post-Grad experiences are not from cushy University brochures, nor from career counselors. Sure, they give you a vague picture, but you have to remember that the any form of higher education is a business in the end. They need students to stay and provide continuous tuition, and they need to market themselves to a new set of Frosh on a yearly basis. Most of all, they have to make it seem like the degrees they dole out land jobs at a sufficient rate. I know a lot of degrees are what you make of them (as I said in one of my other posts) but its also important for students to understand the "business" aspect of a University education - and I don't mean the Econ courses we take.

Its funny how much perception and reality differ in the case of post-Grad jobs. If you're graduating from anything related to the Arts, I've found from my research that the path to getting a job related to what you want to work on is a lot harder than if I had been equipped with studies in say, mechanical engineering. A lot of times, it seems that lateral movement, suffering, and skill upgrades are absolutely necessary to get anywhere with that Philosophy or Sociology degree. Of course, no one tells an undergrad that. We spend Frosh year drunk and clubbing, second year drunk and going to the gym, third year studying, and 4th year realizing that 3 years have passed by and now its time to buckle down.

The point of this post was about my experience in researching Law School. My initial goal coming into my undergrad career was to absolutely get into Law school (silly, I know). I originally wanted to major in Poli Sc because I thought it would somehow help me get into law, because I had read somewhere that Poli Sci and Philosophy really help you when you write the LSAT exam. 

[Sidenote: This is just my singular opinion, but Philosophy doesn't do shit. I've taken Phil courses. They are mind numbingly boring, and you basically are at the mercy of your Professor, much more so than in other analysis-based courses. You do learn critical analysis and research skills, yes, but you can get those in OTHER degrees offered by the University, many of which, when presented on their own will not result you having to live in a cardboard box as a home.]

So, with my poorly researched conclusion of taking Phil and Poli Sci courses, I decided that I was going down a great path. 

Only, I wasn't.

I'm a big believer in practical education, and neither of these types of courses were really applicable to anything other than if you had an interest in Socrates or John Stuart Mills. After doing about 2 courses in the field I decided that it just wasn't for me (not to mention that it doesn't get you very far as a solo degree, something I learned based on research again). Nevertheless, with minimal research, I still declared in first year that I wanted to get into law school - that would be the goal. Never mind the fact that my head was into everything BUT school during my first two years - I thought just saying it to myself was enough. 

The funny thing is, the older I got, the more I researched about fields of employment that I was interested in, and the more co-ops I did, the more I found that law school is not the greatest idea for someone finishing an Arts degree with a $10 000 student debt already in tact. I haven't researched Law schools in Canada and the UK specifically, but to anybody who reads this thinking that Law school is the ticket to a great life in the US, its simply doesn't seem to be true. I used to feel the same way until I was washed with the economic reality of law school and its post-graduation job rates. Sites like Meta Filter are great to check out if you want to read REAL experiences from REAL students who have faced the post-Grad realities that University and colleges don't prepare their students for.

Of course I will still be doing my LSAT, but I've found from reading countless personal experience stories, numerous Law school blogs, and even law school books that going to Law school is not something you just decide on without taking the risks associated with it into very careful consideration. I know that sounds stupidly simple, but I know a lot of people who think law school is the end-all, be-all, or worse yet, a great backup. And yes, I fell into this category till about last year when I actually started reading up on this magic institution I thought was my ticket to a career in something I love to learn about.

Reading this post on Metafilter and following every word that recent law school graduates and even litigators wrote, its crazy to think that many people think this is the one way ticket to success in the USA, when in reality, in this economy, at this time, its more of a way to cripple yourself with the burden of excessive student loans for a LONG time.

Obviously there are people who are able to make it as lawyers, and do what they want to do while being great at it, but the profession of Law is not as glamorous as it seems on TV, nor is it a guaranteed method for income. In fact, it is stated that "graduates of the 2008-2011 if not 2012 classes face drastically worse employment prospects than their predecessors" (Link). I'm only speaking for myself when I say that that alone is discouragement enough. You can call me as a pessimist, but this wouldn't be a $5000 dollar investment that you could easily get back....if you're in the States, degrees don't really matter unless you're in the Top 15-30 of schools (as a rule of thumb), and for those schools the year costs are astronomical, and rising every year. The amount of jobless graduates are pretty high, and you can read more about reasons to look more carefully into it here. BTW, if you're annoyed that I'm using only real-life experiences based on sites that don't seem "certified", read this, a professor's interpretation of the numerous holes within these institutions.

This is not to say that I won't apply to law school in Canada when I'm done a thorough assessment of my financial situation and whether or not it is actually right for me. The reason I'm doing this post is to illustrate that the fairly tale world of university and the cold hard realities of life are completely different when looked into in greater detail. This  post on Reddit further illustrates my point. I think today's world is all about adapting and adjusting to the requirements to a "real world" setting that is COMPLETELY different than that of the 80's and even 90's, and most of the people who make it sound like post-Grad is an easy endeavour are clearly fabricating or basing it on prior decades were securing jobs were much easier. Personally, I know a couple of people myself who recently graduated in secure programs (i.e - one of the more fixed programs like Science) but had trouble obtaining a job for a number of months after graduation and had to make ends meet in one way or another. 

While I like the challenge of it, it is also the first taste of reality (likely a slap) that I, and many others, will face. Its something I won't really able to explain until I go through it myself. I think the post-grad phase is when you have to show the most grit and determination. I probably won't be saying that when I'm in that awkward post-Grad, pre-Job stage that every graduate gets into where they have to awkwardly tell people that they haven't secured a job yet while engaging in small-talk, but at least by researching into it I (and hopefully you) will be better prepared for it in the coming year.

Wish me luck.

Running and Reading

Just a video I thought was cool.

Chasing Perfection: Ambition

"What I'm doing right now, I'm chasing perfection" - Kobe Bryant

Anybody that knows me the slightest knows that I'm a big fan of Kobe Bryant. A lot of people ask why I look up to him so much, and it goes beyond just what he does on the court. I'm a huge basketball fan, yes, but I'm quite observant about the general attitude of people. I'm impressed by will power, determination, and the mental fortitude it takes to constantly stay on top, or even better, climb to the top.  These are all characteristics in Kobe Bryant I admire. I don't know the guy, sure, but that doesn't mean I can't admire those qualities in him (yes it’s a man-crush). It’s the same reasons Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky were icons. People saw something in their struggle/talent, and their drive to be the best. Likewise, I've grown up with Kobe, and watched him grow from a outcast rookie to the perfect sidekick, the villain, the "selfish" scorer, and finally, the 5-time champion.

            As such, I constantly strive to have the type of mentality that he has when it comes to doing what you have to do in order to be where you want to be. I know it may sound ridiculous; he's an athlete, and I'm just a student (with a decent 3 point shot!). Regardless, I really believe that his mental approach to achieving his goals is the same as other elite athletes, and in general, people who are at the top of their respective fields. That is where I want to be.

            I've realized that a lot of people are afraid or too unmotivated at accepting challenges - they're afraid of getting older, they are afraid of failing, they are unable to accept the challenges placed in front of them. I firmly believe that anyone can bounce back from anything if their work ethic is there and they want it bad enough (though it has to be realistic to a degree). That is not to say that my work ethic is untouchable, but the goals that I've set out for myself, more often than not, I've been able to achieve when I've diligently put my mind into it.  

            I recently turned 22. What excites me about getting older is that there are so many challenges ahead of me that I have to rise and meet. If I fail, I have to work that much harder to gain my footing, but you better believe that I'll keep trying. Whether it’s my career, or how I complete an assignment, there are so many chances for me to just fail (and I don't mean that in an F grade kind of way). Likewise, where others would see a failure, a blow to their ego, I see it as a chance to learn, an opportunity to grow, as cheesy as that may sound.

            I've learned the beauty in approaching every facet of life like a puzzle. There have been so many times that I've gone the wrong way, and tried to fit the wrong pieces together, that it’s made me more driven to find the pieces that fit. Eventually, the pieces do collectively start fitting, but only if the diligence is there in trying to find the right ones.

My dad told me a long time ago that those who work hard, and constantly strive to reach their goals will reap the rewards later on in life. I didn't listen to him initially; after all, I was a 15 year old with girls on my mind. As I've gotten older though, I've slowly realized myself that he is/was right. When you set goals, when you know what you want, and work towards that one goal (or goals) every single day of your life - sooner or later, it will be yours for the taking.

I'm not trying to preach that my way is the right way and I'm some guy who is speaks with a holier-than-thou attitude; I'm simply saying that often times, the greatest limitation to our accomplishments is ourselves. I used to do it all the time growing up. In high school for example, I've realized now that the only person who set me back was myself - the limiting thoughts I used to have.  I cared about acting a certain way, and being a certain way, when now, being 5 years older and wiser, did it really matter? Of course not. Everyone has an opinion, yes, but only a select few should actually matter. Either you like me or you don't - get over it.

            If I want to get something, I'm going to get it. You know you're doing great when people say that you've changed, that you're not how they remember you. I always love hearing that. If I'm always the same person, if I haven't improved myself on a yearly basis, I feel like I've wasted a year, quite honestly.

The point is, Kobe Bryant went from a backup shooting guard with limited playing time, to one of the Top 10 greatest players of all time - all due to his mentality, his belief, and his determination. I'll leave you with something Kobe himself wrote that spoke volumes to me; the type of mentality I truly believe I need to have for success:

"I have learned that it is OK for me to be me, and what being me entails. It means that I will not rest; I will not sleep, relax, relent or be satisfied until my goals have been met, the challenge answered and all my doubters silenced. I will not give in to my foes; I won't let down my teammates. I won't stop inspiring those who look up to me or stop giving motivation to those who motivate me. I will not back off until I'm back on top, back in the place where they said I could never be again. Mountains don't scare me. The LACK of mountains scares me. The climb up, the struggle for every inch of ground and every level of ascension is what feeds me. I welcome that challenge. I welcome that chance to be fed because no matter what — no matter how hard, how far, or how many stand in my way, I remain determined. "

Life Lessons: Don't be an Orbitor Part II

Click here for Part 1.

So, let's break The Orbitor® down, shall we?

Problem: The Orbitor® is one guy that no straight male wants to be. The problem is simple: he fails to realize that by listening to her complain about her life, or some other dude rather than himself, he is enabling her to completely “friend zone” him, and he’s digging his own grave by listening to her.

That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be friend – be her friend obviously, but make it clear that you’re interested in her from the start; actually being her close friend is not an option.

You can’t be a close friend and be interested in her at the same time, it just doesn’t work that way. She needs to be complaining about you to her girls, not complaining to YOU about some other dude. Man up. 

A question the Orbitor must ask himself at some point.

Solution(s): Fortunately, there are a number of ways to NOT be an Orbitor®. Here are some suggestions:

a)   Grow some cojones. These are a must. By restoring this God-given gift to man, you will learn that it is okay to stand up for yourself and man up. You will also realize that you no longer have to pretend being interested in her pointless rambles about other douchebags who presumably had the cojones that you are missing by trying to get with her.

After the restoration of your cojones, you will begin to notice that she’s probably a lot more annoying than you remembered her being pre-cojones. Pre-cojones = similar to beer goggles. Cojones = sober man-valuation (evaluation) of your target. 

b)   After supplementing or regaining said cojones, tell her that you’re interested (NOT how you “feel”....deep feelings should not exist pre-relationship). Better yet, just kiss the girl. Actions speak louder than words with women.

(Again, that sound you just heard was 10 women applauding in approval to that sentence)

c)   If she tries to friend zone you when doing the above, or begins any sentence with “Listen, you’re a really sweet guy, but....”, WALK OUT IMMEDIATELY. You don’t even have to let her finish. She is giving you the dreaded friend-zone speech no guy wants/needs to listen to. Just leave.

You have no chance, so that’s your hint that it’s time to move on to the next one.

d)  The easiest and simplest solution: find other girls while simultaneously talking to her less. Talk to other girls, and for the love of God, don’t Orbit these girls like you did the last one. If you’re a habitual Orbitor®, you have deeper problems – get help immediately. One female Orbit is okay; more than one is unhealthy.

e)  If you have applied option D properly and she is somewhat attracted to you, you will notice that she will start feeling neglected of your attention and will now give you the ever elusive "chance” with her, as if she dictates when and who you will be interested in. Say NO.

    She is giving you a test to see whether you now have actual grown real cojones, or merely artificial ones. Psychologically, she only wants you because she knows other girl(s) want you now. This is your big (yet simple) “fuck you” moment, so use it wisely. A simple “I’m sorry, but I only see you as a friend” will do. At this point, she’s orbiting® you. If you get to this point, feel free to pat yourself on the back.

Most guys learn about interacting with and dealing with females the hard way. Some dudes get it, and some guys have to work at it. I’m a bit of both. I’ve been in the Orbitor scenario before, and when I realized my predicament, I had a big “on to the next one” moment and moved on quickly. Realizing that you are trapped in an Orbit is the hard part.

Consult your bros, for they will tell you that you're an idiot very bluntly....either that or they'll say the girl is ugly and you will feel better.

If you’re currently an Orbitor, you will soon realize that there are too many girls out there, and to focus all your time and energy into one who’s never going to invest the same amount on you is a waste of life.

Move on.

Here’s to The Orbitor® – every (attractive) girl has them, and every guy who is unaware of their own lack of game falls into the trap of being one.

Don’t be that guy.

----------------------------

By: Gaurav P.

Life Lessons: Don’t be an Orbitor Part 1

This series (“Life Lessons”) will be a compilation of real lessons of life that I’ve learned during my 21 years. I’ve either experienced these Life Lessons myself, saw many friends go through them, or was passed on the wisdom by someone else. In this case, all three of the aforementioned apply. 

If you’re a guy and suddenly realize that this applies to you, smack yourself in the head and don’t be that dude anymore. 

A scientific breakdown of The Orbitor.

I’d like you to introduce you all to the concept of The Orbitor®. 

I know this post is a bit long (I'm assuming you've scrolled down and groaned at the length already), but I promise you'll find it interesting at the least, or perhaps you'll be able to relate to the concept itself.

This is an actual theory/category of mine that I’ve shared with a bunch of my friends, and most of them agree that this is indeed accurate. Yes, including females.

To any women who disagree with this, or think that I’m being a dick: you’re just mad that I’m honest and calling you out on your tricks ;)

Gaurav's dictionary defines The Orbitor® as follows:

Any single male who is looking and is thoroughly interested in a girl but is a) “friend zoned” by her, b) is scared to lose her as a friend, c) has already been rejected by her once (or twice, or three times...), or d) refuses to make any moves because he has no balls.

However, he will constantly hover around her in her life (i.e. – Orbit), be there for her to lean on, not make it overtly clear that he likes her, or generally pull some soft “sweet guy” shit daily in hopes that sooner or later she will come around and give him a chance. However, he waits more than he acts. Little does he know that once she knows he is a fix in her Orbit, he has no chance.

Example:  “Man, Henry is always orbiting Sarah eh?”

“I know right! He’s been orbiting her for about 4 years and still hasn’t gotten any.”

A classic sign that you're probably an Orbitor.

 

Fact of life: Attractive girls will usually have around 2-5 of these losers hovering around them at any given time. Let the other lames do it, and don’t be that guy.

Anyway, that is the basic definition. Most guys have been in this position at least once in their lives (which is likely when they learned that there are much easier ways to get women). It ultimately results in the girl letting The Orbitor® know that she is happy he is “there for her”, but she can’t look at him “that way” (translation: “grow some balls first, or get more attractive”) for whatever reason.

On the other hand, some guys naturally know how to avoid such pathetic scenarios. Hang out with these guys more.

In general, this unfortunate situation tends to happen a lot to larger guys without mean streaks who want to get some, but don’t really have the qualities in them (physically or otherwise) that the girl is interested in.

It also happens to guys who want to be nice all the time, and are afraid of standing up for what they believe in, or guys who just don’t have game in general.

Any time a girl tells you you’re her “best friend”, but you really just want to hook up with her, you have failed in getting your mack on. Shame on you.

(That sound you just heard was about 10 girls reading this nodding in approval.)

-----------------------

Click here for Part II

Exam Time Stress and a Sneak-peek

The one place a straight male does not want to be in with a girl he is attracted to.

So, I currently have 3 exams coming up in the next 3 days, so I am a bit swamped for time, hence the lack of new posts.

I definitely have some new ideas that I want to write about on my next post (which should be coming on the 17th), so look out for that.

To preview, I will be introducing my original concept of The Orbiter (copyrighted!) and what being Friend Zoned means to dudes. I hope you guys are anticipating the post, because I certainly can't wait to write it.

Peace!

Random Thoughts and Procrastination

I’m currently reading Tucker Max’s “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” during my study ‘breaks’ and I’m pretty hooked on the content. For those that don’t know, this book is about an obnoxious Duke Law school student and his hilarious real-life tales of drunkenness. To any guy that is bored and reading my post, I assure you that you will get a kick out of his stories. Obviously, not all the tales are funny, but they’re still interesting in their own ways.

If you haven’t read the book already (it’s old), you can find it on Pirate Bay or you can just read some stories on Tuckermax.com. Girls might like the content as well, but that’s probably not likely since he’s blunt and misogynistic about the women that he deals with in the stories. 

I tried to share these stories (which I thought were hilarious) with my girlfriend and her friends, but it didn’t translate very well to “girl-speak” and they just found it repulsive. My girl (henceforth known as Ivz, Ivzo, or Douchebaguette) constantly tells me that I need to stop telling her friends stories that only guys would find hilarious, and I think she’s right, but it’s just too tempting to stop.

Every time they try watching something of sentimental value or one of their chick-shows (i.e. – 90210) with me around, I try to ruin it by throwing in some gratuitous vulgarity. By “some”, I mean “a constant stream of”. 

Yeah, I'm supposed to be believe that this douchebag is 17.

 They know I’m just messing around though, but any guys out there stuck watching girly shows should be doing this – it’s just fun to do, and if you’re forced to sit through hell, then you might as well make the best of it. This is of course assuming that you hate girl-shows, and would rather shoot yourself than watch 28 year old actors play 17 year old high school students.

I tried to sit through one episode of each of these types of shows, I really did, but its always the same damn plots.

Its either about someone cheating on their boyfriend, someone having sex with a teacher, someone being a closet homosexual, someone hiding a secret, someone revealing a secret, or someone killing someone else either purposely or by accident.

Every. Single. Show.

I would know because I've sat through exactly one (or more) episodes of Glee, 90210, and Gossip Girl, and had the same reaction to each of them. I guess the only saving grace was that I could make fun of an entirely new group of 28 year olds playing high school students each time. I must say that Blair (yes, I know her by name, kill me now) from Gossip Girl  is pretty attractive so I wouldn't mind watching her scenes.


It's safe to say that I'd rather sit through watching a two hour NASCAR event on TV than watch these shows. I'd rather cheer for Lebron James to be an NBA champion than watch these shows. Actually, no, that's taking it too far. I take it back; I would never want LeSidekick to win a ring.

I'd rather keep it this way, never mind.

Anyway, my point is that girls definitely have a different sense of humour than us guys do - I’ve learned that it’s just a fact of life. For example, while I find the concept of a guy taking a dump on some girl’s toilet tank as revenge for something she did to his friend as hilarious (a story from Tucker Max); they do not.

We are not the same. 

--------------------------------

Next post preview: Study breaks during exam time, how we inadvertently waste more time than we actually study, and the best music to study to. 

A quote that's on my mind:

There are two kinds of people in this life:
Those who walk into a room and say,
“Well, here I am!”
And those who walk in and say,
“Ahh, there you are.”

I let the words from the quote above sink in deep every time I get a chance to reflect on the type of person I want to grow to be with each passing day.

Funny Exam Stories: Part 2

Note: If you haven’t read part 1, read it here

With my insides feeling queasy, and with only one eye awake, I looked at the time.

9:20 am.

My exam started at 9.

I was fucked.

I rushed out of bed with my eyes burning and put on the pair of pants/sweats closest to me, donned a hoodie or some other hobo-looking piece of clothing, and looked in the mirror. Staring back was a guy with muddled hair sticking out all over his head, and two visibly red eyes with dark circles under them. Without brushing my teeth (I didn’t have time, I swear!), I rushed to the exam room, which was a good 20 minute walk from where I lived. Since there was a chance that they wouldn’t even let me write my exam (which meant an automatic fail), I ran for dear life.

If you’ve ever run on an empty stomach, you know that it can’t be very good for you, especially if you haven’t slept the night before. My body was clearly in disarray, and running to the gymnasium that morning, I still remember barely being able to catch my breath and tasting blood in my mouth. As I knew from playing basketball years earlier, running on an empty stomach makes me feel like I’m about to cough up blood. However, I had brought this upon myself, so I had to keep on going.

After 10 minutes of running, I finally make it into the gymnasium. Of course, by this time the doors were closed and there was a man standing outside to not let any more students in.

I went up to him, and in my frantic, breathless state, somehow managed to explain to him my predicament. I didn’t even have to exaggerate; I just told him what really happened.

He looked at me up and down - he saw the bloodshot eyes, the frantic hair, the lack of coordination in speech, and the hobo looking clothes I had on, and just stared at me in disbelief. I bet he was thinking, “He couldn’t make shit like this up, right?” 

I remember him telling me that students weren’t usually permitted to write the exam after a certain time (it was about 9:30 or 9:40 AM by now), but that he would lead me to the head proctor to let her make the decision.

So there I was, 40 minutes after when my exam was supposed to start, being led to the head proctor. As I passed rows and rows of students, all of whom were stressed like me, but writing their exams at the times that they were supposed to, I received my first official “what the fuck are you doing with your life?” moment of my undergrad. This was pathetic; it was a predicament that someone with even basic organizational skills would never let themselves get into. However, that shift in mentality is a post for another day.

Anyway, the original male proctor whispered something the ear of the head proctor, and she asked me to explain my situation. Again, in my frantic, breathless state, I somehow managed to explain my predicament to her. I didn’t even have to exaggerate.

As I was telling my story, she just looked at me up and down - she saw the bloodshot eyes, the hair in hysteria, the lack of coordination in speech, and the hobo looking clothes I had on, and was probably thinking, “He couldn’t make shit like this up, right?”

For some reason, this old lady had sympathy for me and told me that I would be allowed to rewrite my French exam later on that afternoon at 4:30 pm.

I couldn’t believe my luck. I know it’s unfair (truthfully), but if you actually saw the state I was in at that time physically, I don’t think you’d hesitate giving me an extension. Plus, it was an honest mistake by a 19 year old who was clearly in over his head.

I went home, sighed in relief, ate, and went to sleep.

This time (with the help of about 5 alarms), I woke up at 1, studied till 4:00, and wrote my exam on time like a normal person would. Though I didn’t ace the exam, I did do pretty well on it; enough to pass that stupid course, anyway.

So, what was the life lesson? NEVER pull an all-nighter before a final exam (or any time, really).

Seems like common sense, right? But somehow I was arrogant enough to believe I could pull it off since I’d previously done it during my first year. I guess you live and learn.

To those wondering, yes I do still pull all-nighters, but only as a last resort – my time management is generally good enough now that I can get things done ahead of time without additional stress, though I do need all-nighters at times with a fourth year workload.

Also, no, I haven’t missed another exam since, and no, I never tried pulling an all-nighter before a morning exam again.

Now with that, here’s to hoping your exams go a little more smoothly than mine did for that course.

Happy exam time!

- G.P

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